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05 July 2006 @ 08:42 pm
((I've been terribly distracted and I apologize. For those wondering: HB got emergency teleported away from Walter in D_M several weeks ago by Henry. This ended up sending him into the ocean near a small island and, eventually, onto its shores. He learned a lot about himself, and in the week or so that he's been back from that, he's kept to himself in his room. There's a lot to think about and there isn't nearly enough work to distract him. He's been waiting to search for Liz, because it will mean getting out of thinking about himself at all for a while. A better and IC post coming soon.))
20 July 2005 @ 02:54 pm
This is me jumping on the bandwagon...

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:bprds_righthand
Your haiku:who i am and what
he had buried it for fear
of the last few days
Created by Grahame

Ashfield Status: Looks like we're winning, kids. Should be home soon.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Tunes: Faith no More - "I started a Joke"
04 July 2005 @ 05:16 am
The Hellboy trading cardCollapse )

Collect all of the BPRD members! Trade with your friends!

Personality test for no reasonCollapse )

Ashfield update: Still not dead.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Tunes: Gorillas - "Feel Good Inc."
17 June 2005 @ 01:56 pm
Thought I'd post real quick to share links so those who are interested can follow along while Hellboy is away:

Session 1 - Call to duty
Session 2 - A woman's apartment in South Ashfield
Session 3 - Oil, glass, and a nature confronted
Session 4 - Clues found and sacrifices made
Session 5 - A puzzle of dolls and graves is solved
Session 6 - Enter the machine world.
Session 7 - In which we meet a false Eileen and Hellboy loses control
Session 8 - The sudden calm in a world of blades
Session 9 - Words of a faceless ally and a deal with the devil inside
Session 10 - We learn a new ritual to end the old
Session 11 - Blood and coins

Hopefully we will be back from Silent Hill/Ashfield soon and HB will be back to his old self again. We can hope ;)

Edit: The getting "back to his old self" part is seeming less and less likely. Oh dear.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Tunes: Lemon Demon - Telekinesis


From Go-Quiz.com
Current Mood: amusedamused
Tunes: Lemon Demon - "Saga of You, Confused Destroyer of Planets"
13 June 2005 @ 10:14 pm
'Stasia..I promise I'll come back for you.

((Hellboy is taking a trip into the charming town of Silent Hill by way of a South Ashfield apartment complex. He won't be around for a few weeks...but hopefully he'll make it back OK. Sorry for the absence. Feel free to leave your messages at the beep.... *beep*))
Current Mood: worriedworried
Tunes: Nick Cave - Straight to You
13 June 2005 @ 12:19 am
Hellboy sat hunched forward on the cot that was bolted into the back wall of his cell. His skin looked a brighter, angrier shade of red under the flickering fluorescent lights and his horns, now nearly fully grown since his imprisonment, curled over his head casting long shadows.
In his right hand he held a pad of paper, nearly down to it's last sheet. It's missing pages covered the floor in crumpled balls and and neatly folded stacks. On the paper he wrote names and dates...memories and lies..and dark, ugly scribbles marred the places where he knew he was wrong.
He had to get it right. He had to know who he was and what he could do. He was failing his friends, and Liz needed him..needed his help. She needed something he didn't even want to be capable of.

The light filtering through the cracked and damaged two way mirror shifted and there were soft noises; movement. He placed the pad and pen on the cot and tried to focus on what lay beyond his reflection in the splintered mirror. There were voices..and shapes. He hated this place...hated not knowing who was watching him.
29 May 2005 @ 02:02 am
With a simple request to Henry during his shift and a mild amount of grumbling from the guards on duty, Hellboy was able to have pen and paper brought to his cell. It still felt like he was sneaking it in..like it was contraband, as ridiculous as it sounded. It's not like he could break out of the room with a ballpoint pen and a paper airplane. He had a stone fist for that, if the mood struck him to escape.
He was, none the less, pleased that his request for something to write with had been met. Now he could get some of the words swirling in his mind out on paper..get them out where he could look at them, make sense of them.
A number of pieces of paper were covered in names and dates, balled up, and tossed to the floor. It was 6 drafts in before he settled on letter writing.



I wish I could be more sure of what I want to say. I wish I was the kind of person that had all the words right at hand. I don't. I'm sorry.
I need to let you know what's happened, though. Even if I can't get it just right. I've lost it, Stasia, I hardly know who I am these days. In a day I lived a whole other life. I remember every detail of that existence and I'm not proud of who I was. I keep telling myself that it's not real and it never really happened, but when I close my eyes it's as real as anything else. It's getting hard to tell which life is real.
I'm not looking for pity, just so you know. I just wanted to tell you.
I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that I can barely remember the way your hair shines in the desert sun.I can't make out the details of the last dig we worked on together. Where was it? I thought maybe this would help, you know, writing down what I do remember. Separating out the details of our time together before I lose track of it. Before I forget.
Jeez, Stasia, if there was ever a time I could use my best friend around! I don't want to force this on you. I would just love to hear you tell me that it'll all be "right as rain" in the morning. "Right as rain," that's what you always say, isn't it? I need to focus on the things I can remember.
I remember waiting for your car to arrive after the award ceremony at the British Museum. It was your night. Everyone was there just for you, to honor you for all you'd accomplished. You deserve more nights like that. Then that jerk from The Sun started taking pictures like a Japanese tourist. He wouldn't back off. I guess he felt safe with plenty of witnesses. Must have felt sure I wouldn't make a move. He sure as hell didn't expect a size 7 high heel to fly at his fat head, that's for sure. I think you actually swore at him. I can't help it, but it always makes me laugh when you swear. It sounds so proper with an accent. Like cheap beer in a crystal glass.
You never backed down from a fight, not in all the time I've known you. Even if I asked you to stay back. Even if I wasn't sure that I would be able to make it out, let alone protect you. You always followed me.You're so stubborn. I like that too much to complain.
I miss you Anastasia. There are always days when I think about you, but right now it's been pretty tough not to.
I feel like I've betrayed you. I have a lot of thoughts of another woman; memories of her. That's what keeps messing with my memories of you. That's what makes me forget. I don't know how you'd feel about that. I don't know how to apologize for it. Would it help anything if I said she was so very much like you? She was strong and brave and stubborn. She was also sweet and crazy enough to take a chance on the likes of me. It didn't work out for her either.
I've never stopped loving you I still care about you, you know. Even if we hardly ever see one another. You're the best friend I've ever had. I won't let myself forget that.



He read it twice before he wadded it into a tight ball and tossed it to the floor. Why did Liz have to remind him of her? Weren't things complicated enough? He had almost started to forget missing Anastasia..almost. He could never tell her how important she was too him. How important she always had been..always would be.
Hellboy sat on the cot and stared down at the half finished dinner on the cart Henry had wheeled in for him. The food was bland, but not terrible. Regardless, he found himself unable to finish the portion that remained. He just wasn't very hungry lately. What he had consumed was at least enough for an average meal, but his appetite was generally quite larger than average. He pushed the cart towards the door and lay back on the cot.
As he lay on his side, his tail made soft thumping sounds against the wall behind him. He could talk to Henry, but he didn't know what to say. Henry really seemed to understand, but Hellboy could tell that it hurt him to think about these things. Besides, after what had happened with Liz that morning he didn't feel like opening up. All he could think about was Ilsa falling to Rasputin's power. That desperate, sad look frozen upon her face. Until Liz had asked, until he had searched for it, he had managed to keep that memory hidden from himself. He had buried it for fear of the pain it brought with it. However, now that it had surfaced, it would not leave him be.
Ilsa, I am so sorry. There will never be an Eden for us.
When he saw himself in the two-way mirror he could swear he saw that crown of flame burning above his head. It was only an illusion...nothing more.
Current Mood: coldcold
Hellboy couldn't get Kate's sad eyes out of his mind. Her words were tangled inside of him and wouldn't let him go. He didn't know how to feel. In the last few days that was hardly a new sensation.
It took him a while to give in to his appetite, but when he did it was the best he had eaten since they locked him up. The beer was a nice touch. In the end it all only made him tired again. What else was there to do? Eat, sleep....and have terrible, heart-wrenching moments with his closest friends. Moments where he wondered how different he was now. At least when he was asleep he was alone in his pain.


Even as he dreamed he saw Kate weeping softly. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to tell her he still cared for her. He couldn't reach her though. He couldn't move. Instead, he saw himself in a deep gray uniform, the crimson dragon of project Ragna Rok stitched into the points of the collar. He stood straight and tall, towering over her. He just watched her cry...he watched her and he laughed.
I'm sorry...I'm so sorry
"I'm so sorry" Stasia's eyes were filled with questions. She was hurt, but surely not as much as if they had stayed together. She buried her face in his chest and all he could do was hold her and tell her he would always care for her. It was better this way, right? They swore to stay friends. They never stopped caring...but when she let go of him and it was over, he lost something precious.
"I'm so sorry." It was all he could think to say. Ilsa had been crying for so long now. He had never seen her so vulnerable before. It frightened him, but he felt terrible for her. She shouted angry horrible things about the fuhrer and the reich, and it was all well deserved. They had killed Giurescu. They had killed her love. Hellboy watched her sob on her bed and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to comfort a person...a woman. Slowly, awkwardly he sat on the bed beside her and wrapped her in his arms. It was the only time he would ever see her cry..and he was the only one she allowed to see that vulnerability. It was that delicate part of her that he was determined to protect. She asked him to promise that he would make them all pay...she asked him to swear that he would cleanse this world...that he would do it for her.
I've failed all of them. I hurt Kate, I lost Anastasia, and I've broken my vow to Ilsa...I can never bring her the paradise ..the new world..she wanted so badly.
His heart hurt...he wanted to fix it..fix all of it.
Out of the darkness of his dreams came the glow of flame...a flame so hot it burned even him.


He jerked suddenly awake. He was burning up. He was terrified. Why? What happened? There were only flashes of his dreams left in his mind...disjointed and confusing. A demon..a snake...and a crown of flame.
It was only a dream.
Please let it have been a dream